I last time I had a good time was the time when we cried together; when both of us knew, that it was ending and we can do nothing about it. But yet, I really had a good time. I have never shared my emotions that much with anyone else in the whole damn world. It felt so good to be exposed, to be naked of all artificial calm that people hide behind; just like a oyster underneath clam.
Whenever I remember those days, you laughing beside me or just galloping to keep pace with me (yeah, you were short, pretty much shorter than most of me; but your love… It was like an ice-berg to my little boat). Sometimes I can’t hold a smile, it comes naturally. And sometimes, remembering the days when I was not the person that I should have been, I regret. But most of all, I become angry; angry with you.
Why did you make me do things that I am not proud of? Why would you make sure that I have no self esteem left? Why would you make me such that I would have no other meaning to live with? Why have you give me these damn sun-glasses? They made the whole world grey.
At the end of the day, I am what I am… A teachers’ pet, a Momma’s boy, a friends’ best friend, a beloveds’ nightmare. It was you, who never played a consistent role. You told everything, you hide everything; you promised me so much, delivered so little. You loved me so much, hated my dreams so much.
Why would I tolerate?
So here I am, pathetic and stupid with your memories.Yeah, I hate them every time I remember; yet can’t help the smile of being amused with your childish behave or my stupid acts.
Memories: the two sided blade…
